I think I have come to a point when it is easier to pretend in my mind that I am in a state of war. Let me explain: As I mentioned before, this year is horribly hard. The fact that my health has been terrible since september made it harder. So if I imagine a war zone in my mind and project myself in it, the way I feel start making sense and for a brief cathartic instant, the harmony between the physical feeling of anger and distress and the scenary of sand and ashes trick my brain into thinking that things are how they should be, and it makes me feel peaceful.
I have spent 10 hours working on an essay today. 10 hours of work in a day. I didn't think it was possible for me. I don't feel proud, I feel sick. It's not normal at all for me. Even on the things I love I never spend more than 6 hours. Which proves that at some point I wasn't me, I was a machine. And tomorrow is gonna be a long day, just like the day after tomorrow and so on. Time is upside down. It doesn't work like it used to. It weights on my shoulders like a threat.
I wish I had great things to say but I haven't felt great in what feels like a long time. (only three months?) I am trying to work on the comics, because at least that's a rewarding kind of work. I have inked the next page of P10D and I'll try to finish it before the end of the month. I also started to sketch the next page of The First Choice. I'm obeying my own order: "only the main projects." I wish to come back to you soon.